Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Living in the moment

At the beginning of this pregnancy, I told Mister that I wanted to enjoy every minute of it. Though this statement has come to bite me in the ass a few times, I'd like to think that I've lived up to it.

In the first few weeks, I was told I needed to stop taking my anxiety medication. Obviously I stopped right away, and let me tell you....it was absolutely no fun. I didn't realize that I was having withdrawals, I thought that what I was feeling was a normal part of pregnancy. I couldn't understand why anyone would do this more than once in their life, and I wanted it to end. I wanted the 40 weeks to be over, and it couldn't happen soon enough. Once the medication was out of my system, things completely changed. I felt amazing. I really was enjoying every minute of it.

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant. The end is in sight, and I'm ecstatic to meet our little girl, but I'm so sad that I won't be pregnant anymore. This is most likely going to be the only time I get to experience this, we're not planning on having anymore little Sweet Pea's.

I read a blog post on the Birth Without Fear page, a post written from one sister to another. It went on about being 38 weeks pregnant, and coming to the end of her pregnancy. About how she is joining a very special sisterhood, and how she should cherish these last few moments of the pregnancy, because you can't get them back.

Soon Sweet Pea will be here, and then she'll be a month old, 6 months old, a year, 5 years, a TEENAGER! All in the blink of an eye. Knowing this breaks my heart. I don't want her to grow too quickly. But it also brings to my attention that I need to enjoy and be present in every moment.

It was brought to my attention that I've been having a "bitch" of a pregnancy. I've had a lot of things not go as planned, and a lot of uncomfortable-ness. And through all of the crap, SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction), Carpel Tunnel, Gestational Diabetes, PUPPs (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques), I suppose it could be viewed as a "bitch" of a pregnancy, but I can already tell you it's so beyond worth it.

Any one of those things would suck, all of them together is horrible. The SPD makes it excruciating to try and turn over in bed, to the point of crying at night. PUPPs is a horrible rash that makes it difficult to sleep at night because I itch so badly. Carpel tunnel hurts, we all know that. And gestational diabetes sucks because I can't satisfy all those carb and sugar heavy cravings I'm having. But I love it. I love every itchy, stabby, achy, second of it. Why you ask, because it reminds me that I'm pregnant. It reminds me that I'm growing the most precious, beautiful baby in the entire world.

I took the comment of me having one "bitch" of a pregnancy, as a way of saying I complain too much. I don't know if that's what that person was saying or not, but that's how I took it. This happened in an online group that I belong to, so I go there with my symptoms asking if anyone else has had the same issue and how they relieved the pain/itchiness, I'm in no way complaining. Of course I would rather not have these things, but like I said, it's worth it.

Sweet Pea will be here in 9 days, or less if she decides to come on her own. I'm a nervous wreck, but I'm so beyond excited. We're getting things done a little at a time, marking things off the long list. I appreciate all the love that I'm receiving about the upcoming delivery. Sweet Pea has so many people that are excited for her arrival, and I feel truly blessed.