Saturday, June 29, 2013

8 things I thought I knew before I was a mom

I've heard people say from time to time, "people who don't have kids, shouldn't give advice". I never thought this really applied to me, because well....I worked in a daycare and I was a nanny, so I must know it all. Guess what's come to bite me in the ass.

Things I thought I knew....before I was a mom:

  1. You can just lay a baby down while they're sleeping, and they'll continue to sleep 
  • This is the biggest joke I've ever heard. Sweet Pea will not sleep anywhere but my chest or my arms, or if she's really out, she'll sleep in Mister's arms. If you put her down, she wakes up screaming. It's like she knows she's not being held, while she's sleeping.
    2.  When you feed a baby, you just put a bottle in their mouth and let them eat. With the occasional burp of course.
  • No, no, no. There's an exact science behind the feeding of the baby. At least in our case, because she's bottle fed. We have to hold her and the bottle just right, and take it out anytime she starts gulping air. There's also a science to burping. We can't just do it every ounce or two, it's when she stops sucking on the nipple. 
    3.  Babies are nice quiet creatures
  • Yeah....not so much. This kid moans and groans every time she eats, and grunts and snorts every time she is moved. I won't even mention the crying screaming. Let's not forget the farts, she just reminded me of how lady like she is.
    4.  Sleep when the baby sleeps
  • This is quite comical. When the baby sleeps, and she does allow you to put her down, you have crap to do! For me personally, it takes me a good hour to fall asleep anyway. So by the time I fall asleep, Sweet Pea is going to wake up in about another hour. Not to mention, she is the noisiest sleeper! And wiggles so much!
    5.   You can get all your chores done while the baby sleeps
  • Not that I haven't said this enough, but babies don't always let you put them down to get crap done. Some babies insist on being held 24/7. I can not stand having dishes in the sink, or laundry piled up. Usually, I would just strap the baby to me and go to town. But I have to sit while folding laundry, I'm fat and tired, it happens. So leaning over to fold stuff, the baby will fall out. Same goes for the dishes, minus the sitting part. I unfortunately have to stand for that. Although, I still won't let the crap pile up. Thankfully I have a very supportive partner, who does a lot of the work. And I hired my mom to come hold the baby today while I did a couple loads of laundry and washed all the dishes, by hand, because we don't have a dishwasher. So those of you with one, stop complaining.
    6. Everybody loves babies/everyone will be happy for you
  • As unbelievable as it may seem, not everyone loves babies as much as you do. Shocking, I know. You may even lose friends over becoming pregnant or giving birth. Although this is the happiest time of your life, some people also just don't give a crap. I've lost a couple 'friends' since becoming pregnant. I guess we headed in completely different directions in life. But if something so joyous is the demise of your friendship, how solid was the friendship in the first place. On the flip side, other people come out of the woodwork, in a fantastic way! People that you've known all your life may come around more often because there's a new addition to your family, and you know what? It's awesome! 
    7. All babies are cute/look the same
  • LIES! All lies! Your baby is the most adorable, beautiful baby in the world. There is no better creation that the one that you have. 
    8. Starting in toddlerhood, you will never go to the bathroom in peace again.
    • This actually starts at about 2 weeks of age. I shit you not. Today I was trying to take care of business on my own, and Mister brought me a screaming baby. Because, that's what I want while I'm pooping, a screaming baby.
    Life has completely changed since this little miracle arrived just a month ago. All for the better. Well....except for the sleep, I miss sleep....but it's totally worth it! I know it sounds like I'm bitching a lot, but I'm not. I'm really and truly happy. I couldn't see myself any happier in life. I have the perfect family, and I couldn't ask for anything more.