Saturday, January 31, 2015

Connecting

As some of you may or may not know, I was adopted right when I was born. I grew up knowing I was adopted. I also grew up knowing my bio mom's first name, but not her last. My mom didn't give me her correct last name until a handful of years ago. 

Growing up, I believed I didn't want to meet my bio mom, because I already had a loving family. But I always had an interest in meeting the siblings I knew I had. I have Googled her off and on throughout the years, finding some not so flattering information, which just solidified me not wanting to meet her. Especially after getting pregnant with Sweet Pea. 

I also grew up knowing that I was the youngest of 4 children, and that one other baby was placed for adoption as well. Well, during one of my Googling expeditions, I found a list of possible relatives, and I went to Facebook. I found a woman that I immediately thought was my sister, because we resembled each other a bit. I have a different father than the rest of my siblings, so I wasn't expecting us to be twins, but it was close. This was all about a year ago.

Then a handful a months ago a friend added me to a Facebook group about cloth diapers and baby wearing. I didn't post much, but would browse and it would show up in my newsfeed once in a while. Well, this possible relative was in this group! I sat and waited for months. I didn't believe it could possibly be the same person. I mean, what are the odds, right? Aw hell, let's be honest. I was chicken shit. It made it all seem a little too real.

Well, a handful of days ago, I messaged the possible relative. It turns out she is not my sister, but my ex sister in law! The good news, she's still on good terms with my brother and had no problems answering all my questions. The bad news? My bio mom passed away, just a little over two weeks ago. I'm very saddened by this. I didn't think I wanted to meet my bio mom, but now that I'll never get the chance, makes me want the chance even more. Wanting what I can't have I suppose. If I had just made contact when I first found the SIL (sister in law), whom by the way is amazing, and I feel like is a long lost sister anyway, I could have had the chance to meet my bio mom.

More good news? The other baby that was put up for adoption already reached out already. She didn't meet our bio mom either, but met our siblings at the memorial service. I got to talk to her yesterday last night! It was pretty awesome.  We both grew up knowing we were adopted, and we both grew up only children. Oh, and we grew up in the same area. Small world. We're now Facebook friends!

I also have another sister, and then the brother that the SIL was married to. I'm thinking of reaching out to him soon. I'm a little nervous about it though. I'm not sure why. I think maybe because he actually grew up with our bio mom? Maybe? I don't know for sure. I've been reassured that he's very nice, and that he's curious about me too. I said he could reach out to me if he wanted, so we'll see. 

I'm not really sure how my family feels about all of this. My mom is excited, and was really sad to hear about my bio mom. But my dad doesn't seem to respond much. I can't tell if he's feeling threatened or what. He doesn't need to feel that way. No one will replace my family. <3