Sunday, May 31, 2015

Birth Without Fear meetup

Yesterday was an amazing day! I was lucky enough to go to the birth without fear meetup. There were amazing speakers, a harmony circle, vendors, goody bags. Really, I'm not going to do it justice. There's still so much to process. 

Sweet Pea and I stayed the night up at my mom's, because she was going to watch Sweet Pea while I was at the meet up. We went to bed a full 30 minutes early, because we were going to have to get up extra early. Sweet Pea fell right to sleep. She had a full afternoon of playing outside in the dirt, and soaking up the sun, while nomming on some watermelon. We had also gone on a nice walk after dinner. I on the other hand, could. not. sleep. I was just too excited. I even took some melatonin to sleep. Did nothing. 

At about 1 am, I got up and made my lunch for the next day, then took another shower. I tried to go back to sleep, but it didn't work. So at about 3 am, I painted my nails. Seems totally logical. I think I finally fell asleep around 4-4:30 am and had to be up at 7:30 am. A large coffee was in order.

Could you tell I was a little excited?

When I got to the venue, I started looking at the vendors a little and messaged a friend I was going to meet there. Then I saw Jen McLellen from Plus size mommy memoirs!!! I have been dying to hear her speak for ages! I've talked to her a few times online, but I was a little star struck when I saw her. I looked at her and said, "Oh my god. Oh my god." And she just gave me a big hug. We chatted for a minute, and I asked if I could have a picture with her. Seriously, I've gotten so much better at this then 3 years ago, when I met The Bloggess. I couldn't speak then. But now, I can actually carry a conversation. 

Jen was the first speaker, and I was SO freaking excited to hear her speak. I met up with my friend, and met her best friend. While we were waiting for Jen to start, January Harshe, who started Birth Without Fear came up to me. I looked at her, and again said "oh my god" lol I'm a woman of few words. January and I have a little bit of a bumpy past, so I wasn't sure how this day was going to go. I was really, really nervous about it. She knelt down, and said she just wanted to check in, because she knew I had social anxiety. How sweet is that woman? There are over 200 people at this event. Thousands of followers. And she comes up to me to ask me how I'm doing. I of course have the cheesiest grin on my face and said I'm fine. And I was. I made a couple new friends already, and I was surrounded by a group of my peers. 

Jen was amazing. She spoke about how plus size woman are capable to give birth vaginally, just like everyone else. How we should love our bodies, no matter the size. And how we should step out from behind the camera, and be in the pictures with our children. She also gave pointers on how to take the perfect picture. And had us take selfies lol It was worth the wait to see her. 

After Jen was Hermine Hayes-Kline, a lawyer for birth rights. Her title kind of explains what she talked about. She told quite a few horror stories about how women were mistreated in their births. I took this opportunity to go talk to January again, and get a picture with her. 

I wasn't sure if she remembered what had happened in the past or not, but she had. So we talked about it a little, and she confirmed a few things, and made me feel a lot better about the whole situation. She commented on how much weight I had lost, and about how long my hair is. She said it was almost at "mermaid" length lol 

Earth Mama Angel Baby was next. They talked about all the toxins in our body care products, and how Earth Mama didn't like it when she had babies. So they decided to make their own. This is actually when I went to go look at the vendors some more lol 

After Hermine was finished talking, it was time for lunch. My new friends went out for lunch, but I had packed mine. So I stayed behind and ate there. I tried to call my mom and check up on Daphne, but they were napping. 

After lunch we sat at numbered tables. I was lucky enough to get to sit with my new friends! We did a harmony circle. This was life changing. You're sitting at a table with complete strangers, spilling your heart out, and you know that you won't be judged. It was pretty amazing. There were so many tears, tissues were provided ;) and a lot of healing. Motherhood is hard, and with this harmony circle, you find out you're not in it alone. 
After the circle, we got to listen to January's birth stories. All six of them! She had six very different births. Although I enjoyed my c-section, how I was treated leading up to it was not OK. And some of the things she said made me ugly cry. Tissues were needed for that to.

It was great. It was wonderful meeting such strong women.

After January was done speaking, everyone got to meet her and take pictures. I waited in the long line too. I wanted thank her for being so gracious and welcoming. She was very sweet. I explained why I was having so much anxiety, and she apologized and said it's all in the past now. And you know what? It is. The person that caused all of this mess is no longer in either one of our lives.

I can't wait for BWF to come again! This was so fantastic, and I wish I could go back tomorrow! If you have a chance to go, GO!

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Alone time

We have hit sleep bliss in the 'Pea house. Ever since Sweet Pea was born, she has slept in mine or Mister's arms. Mainly mine. Recently, I have been laying down with her at nap time in bed, because she's simply too long to hold in my lap on the couch. I would lay there, while she slept, on my iPad. Getting nothing done. 
Then, I can't remember why, but I decided to get up. I wanted to vacuum without terrifying poor Sweet Pea. I wanted to sit up right. I wanted to clean up a little, because my mom is going to watch Sweet Pea this Saturday for the first time, while I'm at a conference. And she slept. She slept 3 hours. I was able to pick up all the toys, vacuum, put away her birthday presents (there will be a post about her party) and watch a mommy show, all without interruption. OH! And Mister and I were able to eat dinner, alone. Like a date. Without someone yelling for all our food.

Then I got really bold. I wanted more alone time with Mister. I started putting Sweet Pea to bed at our normal bedtime, and then would sneak away to watch a couple shows with Mister, alone. As well as eat popcorn. It. Was. Glorious. Going to bed at nearly 3am, and waking up at 9am is pure hell, but I regret nothing. Alone time is nice. Quiet is nice. A clean front room that I can enjoy, is nice. 

I love Sweet Pea more than anything in the entire world. But I forgot what it was like to be an adult. We're not one of those couples that goes out, ever. We don't need babysitters, ever. Having my mom watch Sweet Pea this Saturday is a huge deal for me lol This will be the first time I've ever left her with anyone but Mister. 

I'm sleep deprived now, but it's worth it. 

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Is it bedtime yet?

Today was a long day. It felt like I was with a 2 year old or something. >.< 

The WIC appointment that we had to go to was right around Sweet Pea's nap time, and that place is the germiest place on earth. So we tried and failed to keep her in our laps. She was happy once she got to play. But then her name was called. That's when it all went to shit. You would have thought the world was ending, the way Sweet Pea screamed, and carried on.

She got weighed, 31 lbs *66%* and measured. I didn't get to see how tall she was, and the lady didn't get a chance to tell me, through all the screaming. But Sweet Pea is healthy, so that's good. 

She then fell asleep on the way home, we stopped an picked up a pizza, which was seriously under topped. And for a person that is counting every calorie, and doesn't get pizza very often....that pisses me off. Sweet Pea opened up her eyes as we pulled into the driveway....only 35 minutes after falling asleep. That's it for her nap. That shouldn't even count as a nap. 

Later, Mister and I played hide and seek with Sweet Pea. Which is the most hilarious game to play with an almost 2 year old. They obviously don't get the idea of hiding, and giggle through the whole thing. At one point, she laid in the middle of the floor. Another time, I tricked her and had her thinking I was hiding in her little tent, and hid behind the couch. Apparently that was against the rules, because she didn't want to play anymore after that. It actually scared her :( Up until then it was a lot of fun. 

We picked up the decorations for Sweet Pea's party today, as well as some of the goodies for the gift bags. Looking forward to the party!

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Turning two

My baby is going to be two in less than a week! How did that happen? This year didn't go nearly as fast as the first year, but it still flew by. 

We're having a rainbow themed party! It's going to be so much fun! I'm hoping to get lots of pictures this year, *I failed last year* and I'll try to post them. 

Sweet Pea is completely oblivious to all the excitement. But, she's learned to say "happy birthday". So, there's that. It sounds more like, hap birt-day. But it's still pretty cute. 

She showed a little interest in learning how to use the potty, but when I took her to it, she completely freaked out. So we'll be waiting a little on that. Which is completely fine with us. 

I have nothing new to report, except.....MY BABY IS TURNING TWO!!!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Feeling discouraged

I've hit a plateau. I've stopped losing weight, and I've even gained a couple pounds this weekend. This kind of terrifies me. Granted, I think my period is coming, but that only justifies this week. What about the 2 weeks before that? I can't really restrict my calories anymore, or I won't be eating enough. 

I could incorporate more exercise into my life, in fact....that's what I should do. But with a toddler, that's kind of hard to do. I've tried doing videos at home, and she just runs circles around me, trying to give me hugs. Sweet, but difficult to workout around. I've thought about going on fast walks with her in the stroller, but we have a crappy stroller, that isn't really meant for that type of thing. I'm most likely just making excuses. In all reality, I hate exercise. 

My appetite has also increased. I'm trying my hardest to ignore it. I'm eating healthy-ish foods, but remaining under my calories. I suppose if I ate more healthy foods, I could eat more food. The thing is, this is what I've done for 125 lbs, and it's worked. I was hoping it would work for the next 125 lbs. 

What I'm scared of is that, this is it. I'm done losing weight. My body won't let me lose anymore. Or worse, I'll start gaining it back now. Like it's the universes cruel joke. You worked your ass off, but you're still fat, and you're just going to get fatter. What if, you know? 

It's so discouraging to have such a long way to go, and not seeing any of it coming off for 3 weeks. (I just looked back in my log, it's only been about 2 weeks...if that) BUT IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER!

I was losing about 2 lbs a week, so to not lose anything, it's still discouraging. Yeah, I've come a long way, but there's so much further to go.