Saturday, January 31, 2015

Connecting

As some of you may or may not know, I was adopted right when I was born. I grew up knowing I was adopted. I also grew up knowing my bio mom's first name, but not her last. My mom didn't give me her correct last name until a handful of years ago. 

Growing up, I believed I didn't want to meet my bio mom, because I already had a loving family. But I always had an interest in meeting the siblings I knew I had. I have Googled her off and on throughout the years, finding some not so flattering information, which just solidified me not wanting to meet her. Especially after getting pregnant with Sweet Pea. 

I also grew up knowing that I was the youngest of 4 children, and that one other baby was placed for adoption as well. Well, during one of my Googling expeditions, I found a list of possible relatives, and I went to Facebook. I found a woman that I immediately thought was my sister, because we resembled each other a bit. I have a different father than the rest of my siblings, so I wasn't expecting us to be twins, but it was close. This was all about a year ago.

Then a handful a months ago a friend added me to a Facebook group about cloth diapers and baby wearing. I didn't post much, but would browse and it would show up in my newsfeed once in a while. Well, this possible relative was in this group! I sat and waited for months. I didn't believe it could possibly be the same person. I mean, what are the odds, right? Aw hell, let's be honest. I was chicken shit. It made it all seem a little too real.

Well, a handful of days ago, I messaged the possible relative. It turns out she is not my sister, but my ex sister in law! The good news, she's still on good terms with my brother and had no problems answering all my questions. The bad news? My bio mom passed away, just a little over two weeks ago. I'm very saddened by this. I didn't think I wanted to meet my bio mom, but now that I'll never get the chance, makes me want the chance even more. Wanting what I can't have I suppose. If I had just made contact when I first found the SIL (sister in law), whom by the way is amazing, and I feel like is a long lost sister anyway, I could have had the chance to meet my bio mom.

More good news? The other baby that was put up for adoption already reached out already. She didn't meet our bio mom either, but met our siblings at the memorial service. I got to talk to her yesterday last night! It was pretty awesome.  We both grew up knowing we were adopted, and we both grew up only children. Oh, and we grew up in the same area. Small world. We're now Facebook friends!

I also have another sister, and then the brother that the SIL was married to. I'm thinking of reaching out to him soon. I'm a little nervous about it though. I'm not sure why. I think maybe because he actually grew up with our bio mom? Maybe? I don't know for sure. I've been reassured that he's very nice, and that he's curious about me too. I said he could reach out to me if he wanted, so we'll see. 

I'm not really sure how my family feels about all of this. My mom is excited, and was really sad to hear about my bio mom. But my dad doesn't seem to respond much. I can't tell if he's feeling threatened or what. He doesn't need to feel that way. No one will replace my family. <3 


Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Not the best day

Sweet Pea has started refusing her naps! I'm in a panic. She's been awake for nearly 5 hours, and there's no nap in sight. Umm.....naps are my quiet time. My time I just get to browse Facebook, and Instagram. Not have to worry about her climbing on top of the TV stand, and nearly falling off. 

Speaking of.... Today I really need nap time. Sweet Pea has been testing my patience all day, and I haven't been doing very well with gentle parenting. Sweet Pea has been wearing on my last nerve.
We made it to nap time. My cousin called, and Sweet Pea fell asleep as we were talking. Every time she (Sweet Pea) refuses to nap, or fights bed time, I start to panic. What if she never sleeps again?!! Totally rational, I know. I do worry that her naps are beginning to dwindle though. It's too soon for that. She's only about 20 months. She still needs naps. I still need her to nap. 
She woke up a complete crank, and her diaper was leaking. I changed her diaper and gave her a cookie. Mother of the year award goes to.... And I popped dinner in the oven. I tried to give her a healthier snack after, but the cookie ruined that apparently. 


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Slowly shrinking

Christmas went off without a hitch. Daphne was spoiled beyond belief. And we got to spend time with most of the family. I got the last of the Christmas put away last week, and then bought more of it today, haha 

Yesterday, I hit a big milestone in my weight loss. I hit 100 lbs gone! A couple years ago, well actually pushing three years now, I lost 70 lbs. I gained 10 of that back before I got pregnant with Sweet Pea, and then gained it ALL back while pregnant. So I was back to my top weight, to the exact pound. 

In 2010 I was at my biggest. I went to Alaska to see a friend graduate from college. We were walking around doing pub crawls, and I couldn't keep up. My friend was sweet enough to make up a story about me hurting my ankle, so I wouldn't be embarrassed and wouldn't have to continue. I went back to my room, still embarrassed. They knew......they knew. So, this picture is at her graduation. 100 pounds ago.

And this picture was Christmas day, the most recent I could find. So *technically*, I've lost more weight since then lol  

I don't see a big difference, and I've only gone down 1.5 pant sizes, which is a bit discouraging. But the scale doesn't lie, and Mister says he sees it in my back a lot. I have a long way to go, about 150 lbs, but I know I'll get there.....eventually. I lost these 100 lbs in a little over 19 months. I'm only 22 lbs away from my next big goal, which I haven't seen since about 2006. Early 2006. I'm working hard, and it's paying off.