Thursday, May 19, 2016

A mother's typical morning. No? Just me then?

I just realized, while hiding in the kitchen, eating an hours old breakfast sandwich, that I hadn't eaten since I got up....5 hours ago. 

So here's how our day has gone, so far. 

7AM: Wake up, rip off the dry (yaaaay!!!) diaper, and rush to the potty. And we wait. And wait. Then we move the potty to the front room, and waited some more.

7:45AM: Get toddler seated on potty, and hand her some breakfast...yes. On the potty. No fucks given here. 

8:15AM: Play ball with said toddler, while she insists she needs to sit on the potty. So, potty ball it is. 

8:35AM: I remind her of the sticker she gets, if she pees.

8:36AM: Toddler pees, a lot.

8:40AM: Clean potty, clean toddler, clean hands, clean pick stickers. Toddler throws a fit, because she doesn't get ALLL the stickers. A full sheet, is clearly not enough. 

9AM: Have 5 seconds to myself, so I throw my sandwich in the microwave, and press start.

9:05AM: Start laundry, for toddler's birthday on Saturday.

9:15AM: Get banana for toddler, that she refuses to eat.

9:30: Call mom, to firm up plans and to brag about how awesome toddler is, for having a dry diaper...and cute tushie :P 

10AM: Try to get toddler to use the potty again.

10:02AM: Toddler says she needs a treat. A "big" doughnut, to be exact -_- 

10:03AM: Daddy agrees, so I go get the treat. As well as reheat my sandwich.

10:15AM: Wash all the dishes from the night before, because I was too tired to do them.

10:30AM: Notice all the fucking crumbs on the floor you vacuumed yesterday. Toddler starts screaming about her snowman blanket. You have to go get it, right this second!

10:31AM: Reheat sandwich, again. Go get the stupid blanket, while leaving toddler on the potty.

10:32AM: Toddler runs down the hall. You obviously hide in the closet to scare her lmao

10:35AM: Toddler pees again!! *YAY!* 

10:36AM: Clean potty, clean toddler, clean hands, pick sticker.

10:40AM: Pick up stuff off the floor so you can vacuum the crumbs. 

10:45AM: Finish vacuuming, put away vacuum, and put Peppa panties on the toddler. While thoroughly explaining, how panties work (they're NOT diapers!) and what we need to do when we go pee.

10:50: Husband calls you into the bedroom to look at something.

11AM: Reheat the damn sandwich, again.

11:01AM: Switch the laundry over.

11:05AM: Hide in the kitchen, and eat your old sandwich as fast as possible. While standing with your back to the toddler.

11:15AM: Start writing funny blog post

11:20AM: Toddler pees in potty *YAY!!* clean, clean, clean, pick sticker.

11:25AM: Toddler asks for popsicle, because you've been pumping her full of them the last couple of days, to help her pee *sigh* Try to talk toddler into going potty first, THEN she gets a popsicle.

And then she makes you giggle your ass off, because she's so silly.

"You yike puple posicles, mommy."

Mmm, no. Not really.

"But it matches your shirt."

I have to eat foods that match my shirt??

"Um, yes. You sure are hungry, sweet mommy kitty."

And here we are. 

I'm already exhausted. 

We've had one wet diaper in 48 hours, and that was a night time diaper. Her first night of learning.

We just started this Tuesday afternoon, it's now late Thursday morning. She's doing SO well. I couldn't be any prouder.