Thursday, May 19, 2016

Letters to Sweet Pea

Dear Sweet Pea,

As I was rocking you in bed tonight, I cried. I sobbed as I laid you down, and watching you fall asleep. 

You are growing and changing, so fast. While I was rocking you, you were falling asleep. Like you did when you were tiny. My heart filled with joy, and then you asked to lay in your spot. I was filled with so many emotions. 

Sadness, because there was a time, not too long ago, that you would fall asleep in my arms, while I sang to you. I didn't know that was going to be the last time. No one does. But, if I had know, I would have soaked in every second of it. I would have memorized your eyes, as they slowly closed. I would have remembered your sweet little hands, and the way you play with your blanket, as you fall asleep. I remember you doing those things, but I wish I had that last moment.

I felt some guilt, because you're growing so fast and I feel like I don't engage with you enough. I feel like, even though I'm around you all day every day, It feels like I'm missing so much still. That I'm not present enough. I've been doing better lately, but I want to do more.

Most of all, my heart was full of pride. Yes, you're growing way to fast for my heart. But, you are becoming more independent, and that's what you're supposed to be doing. You wanting to lay in your spot to fall asleep, means you are comfortable falling asleep on your own...almost. We lay down together, and you use my arm as a pillow haha 

You are also learning how to use the potty! We started 2.5 days ago, and you've only had one wet diaper, and it was a night time one. I'm so proud of you. 

You're also wanting to help out more. You like helping make any meal or snack. You've loved doing laundry for a long time, and yesterday, you helped me wash dishes! You don't really care if I pick out your clothes, but you like it when I ask if you want to. 

I know you still need me, and I love that. You need help getting dressed and undressed, and still need help brushing your teeth and hair. I love brushing your hair. You don't enjoy it as much. It's so gorgeous, and getting long!

I love you so incredibly much. You're turning 3 in 3 days. 3 years ago today, you were still in my belly. I told you about that as I rocked you tonight. I sang you the songs I would sing, while you were still in my belly. I told you about how you used to dance when I would sing, and how you used to punch and kick me, you thought that was really funny.

You amaze me multiple times a day. You say the funniest things, and are so caring. When daddy or I are feeling sick, you are right there to comfort us and put a bandage on. 

I love you more than life itself. 

I can't wait to see what amazing things you're going to do as you grow.

Now, I'm going to go snuggle you and fall asleep.

Your emotional mama