Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I can't remember a time without him

11 years ago, I met the most supportive, funny and caring man. Mister has been there for me, through so many hard times. He is always there to cheer me on, when I feel like giving up. He has held my hand through some of the most difficult times in my life....our lives. 

We have had a lot of ups and downs. We almost didn't make it through a few bumps. We did make it though. 

Relationships are hard. I've wanted to throw in the towel a few times, but I'm so glad I didn't. Mister is my best friend. I look forward to spending time with him, every night. He still gives me butterflies. I miss him so much, whenever we're apart. 

With all of that being said....sometimes, I want to punch him in the face. He is the most stubborn man I've ever met in my life. Then...then I hear him make Sweet Pea giggle, or I hear him talk to his brother, and listen to his genuine laugh, and it all goes away. All of the anger...gone. 

He can make me smile, no matter how down I am. 

Happy anniversary, Mister. I love you more than you'll ever know. Let's continue to grow old together ;) 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Letters to Sweet Pea 3 years!

Dear Sweet Pea,

You're three!! THREE! 

You are the most caring, gentle, funny little girl that I've ever met. Your smile is contagious, as is your adorable laugh. 

Last time you were measured, you were 37". We haven't gone to your 3 year check up yet. Almost all of your pants are too short. 

You got you first real haircut! I cried for an entire day over it. You look SO grown up, and I'm just not ready for that. Those were your baby hairs. The hair that was on your head when you were teeny tiny. I kept all of it haha

Your favorite thing to eat right now is macaroni and cheese. You love fruit and cheese, all the time. But when I ask you what you want to eat, no matter what time of day, your answer is always macaroni and cheese. 

You go to bed fairly easy. The past week or so have been a little more difficult. 

I'm trying to make a larger routine, so we've been doing bath, dinner, drink, brush teeth, go potty then read a story and go to bed. You don't ever want to brush your teeth. You have awful canker sores, just like daddy. So if the tooth brush hits it, you become very upset. 

You don't take naps anymore. They were making it way too hard to get you to sleep at night. You do fall asleep in the car though. Every time, unless I want you to haha

About a week before you turned three, we started potty learning. You picked it up right away. We both needed to be ready. I'd say you are about 99% good with staying dry. You were wearing undies at night, but you got sick and had a few accidents, so we're back in cloth. Just at night though.

You love singing. All day, every day you are singing some song. We listen to toddler raido on Pandora, and have dance parties. You also watch videos on the iPad. 

For so long, you were afraid of slides. You hit your head on one, when you were about 18 months and didn't want to go on one again. The last couple of weeks however, you have been a slide maniac. When we go to the park, you go up and down. Up and down. Over and over. No matter how long we stay, it's never long enough. We also take a ball out the the big field and kick it around for a while. It's one of your favorite things.

Your absolute favorite activity, is playing big ball with daddy. Or watching tv with daddy. Or playing "loop to loop cars"....with daddy. Pretty much, if daddy's involved, you love it. He is your favorite person. 

You are the most loving person I've ever met. You give complete strangers hugs, and tell them you love them. You spread joy, wherever you go. 

I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. You make my world go round, and I am so lucky to be your mama. 

Be happy. Mom guilt.

Sweet Pea always says this. She'll look at you, with her big brown eyes and the sweetest smile, "be happy! Like this". It started as just, "be happy", but has morphed into a lesson on how to be happy.

I wish it were that easy. I wish I could look at loved ones and and just tell them to be happy, and have it actually work.

What an awesome super power!

I also wish it worked on me.

In my heart, I'm happy. I love my family, with all of my being. But there's this blanket of depression and cynicism covers my body. It's exhausting.

I also feel awful that Sweet Pea feels the need to say it all the time. Do I go about my life with a grumpy scowl on my face? Do I not hide my depression well enough? Am I damaging her? I always tell her that she makes me happy. Is that wrong? Am I not supposed to say that? Is she taking it to mean that she physically needs to show me how? Haha

Mom guilt, combined with anxiety...it makes your mind go crazy.