Thursday, July 21, 2016

Be happy. Mom guilt.

Sweet Pea always says this. She'll look at you, with her big brown eyes and the sweetest smile, "be happy! Like this". It started as just, "be happy", but has morphed into a lesson on how to be happy.


I wish it were that easy. I wish I could look at loved ones and and just tell them to be happy, and have it actually work.

What an awesome super power!

I also wish it worked on me.

In my heart, I'm happy. I love my family, with all of my being. But there's this blanket of depression and cynicism covers my body. It's exhausting.

I also feel awful that Sweet Pea feels the need to say it all the time. Do I go about my life with a grumpy scowl on my face? Do I not hide my depression well enough? Am I damaging her? I always tell her that she makes me happy. Is that wrong? Am I not supposed to say that? Is she taking it to mean that she physically needs to show me how? Haha

Mom guilt, combined with anxiety...it makes your mind go crazy.